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you will watch me die

by exciting!!excellent!!

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1.
2.
new song!! 03:48
i'm doing worse than i ever have i feel so unsafe right now and it's stupid i'm in the crowd at your show trying not to cry now fake a smile and i stick out like a sore thumb i go nuts when you play your new song i think you're so talented and i'm so proud i get so nervous that i don't know how to tell you i just stare at the floor and i feel like an asshole and i can't see it's too bad i remember what you told me when you were leaving for the east coast you said not to hold this too close to my chest
3.
l a s e r s 01:35
for once i don't know the answer i get so lost my glasses fog
4.
put your hand on the tree and just breathe don't depend on the space inbetween don't defend yourself or retreat this is all just a dream when you stand on the edge can you see past the cars and the lights is it me do you think you're awake or asleep guess you're all against me now i know what you thought i got sold on it too i go for months without leaving my room i know that it's not concerning to you but i know that you know you will watch me die too my sisters will remember my name they will not suffer to hear what your state used to call me i hope that you remember my face i hope one day you have to answer for this i hope that scares you to death
5.
i felt so stupid for asking but i just can't behave myself well needless to say you answered wrong a careful curation of memories that makes you still believe that you don't have to do this all on your own relentless insistence and pointless resistance you fought so long i turn back into you in my dreams i can feel how scared you were under streetlights swallowed whole by the glow it leaves me so cold like i'm not here in my body but still so distant from you selfish at long last don't remind me to take my jacket before i leave the house i won't be long she's safe now but you can't go to see her her hair's so long
6.
7.
online!!ok 02:31
talking to you is like talking to me is like talking to you is like talking to myself talking to you i like talking to you i like talking to you i just like talking and driving alone at midnight on new year's eve chainsmoking on the ride home i'm the only conversation that i'm ever gonna get through honestly tired of turning my pillow spinning my sheets up burning the bedframe down
8.
ice key 2 02:19
it's too cold to still be outside it's too late to keep drinking on the wall watching cars on the highway laughing my fucking head off i think i do this to myself on purpose putting myself in danger i don't know how to be social right now i don't even feel like a person in my dreams i'm not here in my body but here i have my arms i have my shoulders i have my feet i'll clutch the fingers of my left hand with my right hand so i won't get too cold
9.
far from being finished you're still watching through my windows faking your own flesh and blood i'm open wide i'm bleeding everyone who wants me not to exist is succeeding nothing's in the right spot it just keeps me waiting why i'm not here in my body waves crashing below me numb up to my shoulders face down in the water oh my god if this is healing say goodbye i don't wanna stay here while you watch me die oh my god it's so clear even i know why there's a future i will never see through you will watch me die too
10.
evrybody!! 01:04
everybody you know is having more fun than you you'll never know but it's true i cut my body in two and filled my guts up with glue attach to anyone new i had to call in sick to work i couldn't make a fist and you left a salad in the fridge for me i couldn't eat it till eleven thirty but i know you as much as i know you only want me to and i only let you know as much of me as i can stand about myself

credits

released August 25, 2023

all songs written, recorded, produced, and mastered by jasmine mcelroy in spring of 2023. released under exclusive license to lonely ghost records. contributions on [become dream (rank 1)] by caleb haynes. artwork by autumn/eileen. lovingly dedicated to all trans people everywhere.

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exciting!!excellent!! Portland, Oregon

emo chiptune band exciting!!excellent!! : gameboy songs by jas

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